Modelling Happiness. with Teresa Reay.

Teresa shared with us her experiences and discoveries from ‘Modelling’ three Happy people.
She chose this as her Master Practitioner Modelling Project because happiness was an element missing from her life. So this was more than just an interesting exercise, for Teresa it was a quest to find something of value for herself and her discoveries have been life changing for her, (and undoubtedly those close to her).

She began by asking us what we thought we needed to have to be happy.  Our first answers were:- ‘Self respect’; ‘woken up’; sense of connection’; ‘someone to share life with’; ‘enough to eat’.  Quite quickly we realised that ‘having’ things did not lead to happiness, just as not having things did not lead to misery, and we would need to look deeper to find the beliefs and values of naturally happy people.
Beliefs that Teresa came across in her ‘models’ were: ‘Tomorrow is another day’; ‘Why wouldn’t you be happy?’; ‘I like my life’; ‘Happy is better than misery’. (As I write these beliefs I notice that a slight reframe would make them beliefs for being unhappy too!!) Perspective (many) and reframing to change negative to positive are also attributes in naturally happy people.

Time for a play and we divided into pairs to help each other access a previous ‘Happy Time’, with the simple question, “Remember a time when you were really happy.” Then using our powers of observation (sensory acuity) and open questions we elicted the ‘pictures’, ‘sounds’, ‘feelings’, ‘smells’, ‘tastes’, and ‘inner talk’ associated with the ‘happy experience’. We even tweaked the sub-modalities! Much more pleasurable than it sounds!!
What did we discover?
Its difficult to define Happiness.
Its usually a feeling that starts somewhere specific and then often moves through the body. (Different places and directions for different people.)
Its easier to smile than frown.
Even visual processing people got a feeling, usually in their head.
There was very little internal dialogue.
Teresa showed us a simple model in which ‘Thoughts’; ‘Mood’; ‘Behaviour’; and ‘Physical reaction’ were all interlinked. Everything starts with a thought. We then ‘choose’ what we do next with that thought.

The concept that we choose to be happy, miserable, angry, upset or whatever is fundamental to NLP. Its often one to struggle with as it leads to taking personal responsibility for all our actions, when we know perfectly well that in reality its all ‘Their’ fault!  I remember in my early days of learning NLP how useful this is as a defence for my own bad behaviour. “Well you’ve chosen to be upset!” I would shout unreasonably at someone who I had just upset by being insensitive or unkind.
Their ‘choice’ actually becomes available when they realise they are upset and that this has been caused by someone else. At that point remaining upset, remaining a ‘victim’ or changing how they feel or respond is definitely their choice. Remember it takes 43 muscles to smile, but only three to straighten your arm and punch the bastard in the face!

We took a break.

After the break we again split into pairs, different ones, and attempted to ‘feel’ our partners happiness. “How do you do your happiness?” “What do I need to see, feel, hear, smell and taste?” Using ‘rapport’ skills how is your partner holding their body? Mirror and match.
Then time for feedback and the evening was already getting late! How time flies when you’re having fun!
A big thank you to Teresa for sharing not only her modelling techniques and the results of her project but also for sharing the personal impact of happiness in her life.

As always there was some new learnings for me and a confimation of why I run and attend the practice group.
This evening reminded me of the real joy in NLP. NLP is based on what people do naturally, and what they do well.  It provides a way of thinking, a range of new skills, an array of techniques and tools that free the mind and make anything possible.
As a practising Therapist (and Catalytic Coach) I am constantly delighted by my clients ability to turn apparent disaster into a new resource and to leave my home with a lightness in their step, a laugh in their heart and a new approach to their life.  They have self modelled their own ‘stuff’ and found their own new way of being. From this point on they can notice excellence in others and add and adapt their own attitudes to continue growing and learning.
In our NLP training its easy to think of applying our new skills to other people, why not turn them on yourself?  Develop your own excellence and grow your self to new heights of understanding.
And most importantly
Make sure you come to more practice group evenings!!!

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